Okay, so technically finding love is somewhat of a broad idea, as there are many different forms of love as well as different levels. There is platonic love, romantic love and there is a much shallower form of love called compassion. Romantic love as we all know is a form of love with a much deeper intimacy than other relationships. In my opinion it is one of the forms of love that takes a greater level of commitment and a lot more work than others but can also be one of the most beautiful and rewarding if done properly. Everyone does NOT desire this type of relationship, but if you do, here is some dating advice that may push you in the right direction.
#1 You are shallow.
Ok, I know that you probably don’t want to hear this, but one very common reason people are unable to find love is because they are just too shallow. Now, I am not saying that you shouldn’t care about your future beau’s appearance at all. If someone approaches you who seems to show absolute ZERO concern about their hygiene, or even bother to exhibit any self-care whatsoever, this can indeed be a red flag. But it is not the end- all be all. I know what you’re thinking…What!? You MUST be attracted to someone you date! You are not wrong, but the problem is that all too often, people focus way too much on the PHYSICAL attraction and not the intellectual attraction. There are so many things to consider when choosing a spouse, and to be quite honest, physical attraction does not even come close to topping the list. This may come as a surprise, but sometimes, the physical attraction comes AFTER the intellectual. You may find yourself repulsed by someone’s crooked smile, or less than perfect hairline but then you will begin to notice that you overlook these things in the future because all of the other awesome qualities supersede these once unsightly concerns of yours. So don’t focus too much on the physical, instead, you should focus on how the person makes you feel. Ask yourself, do I really enjoy this person’s company? Does this person make me laugh? Is this person respectful towards me and others? Do I like their mindset? Are they just an overall good person and are they good to me? It is important to consider these questions when dating or getting to know someone. Sure, you may have had in mind a tall dark man/ woman with a ripped, solid core, but the truth is, they may be the opposite. Don’t let your shallow behaviors or what others may think EVER dictate your happiness.
#2 You are searching For love in all the wrongs places.
Cliché, right? Well, regardless of how many times you’ve heard it, you may want to start taking this little saying more serious, as this is the problem for so many people. If you’re idea of the perfect dating scene consists of the hottest night clubs, bars, and house parties, I have some news for you. It will be VERY difficult to find someone that you would want to spend the rest of your life with. I am not saying this is true for everyone. I am sure there are some people who were able to pull this off or just plain got lucky, but the likeliness of finding your forever person on a party scene is just rare. Most people visit these places to have a good time…and that’s all they are looking for. So, if you don’t want to just become a good time to someone, I would highly suggest hanging up your expectations of finding anything serious here, and I would even take it a step further to say not even to hook up with people from these places. Why? Because you really must consider the type of lifestyle you are partaking in at the moment, and although not all people that visit bars, clubs, and hot beaches frequent them, a lot of them do, and unfortunately, the ones that do frequent these scenes are more likely to have alcohol and drug addictions and show signs of codependency. It may start as a fling, but most of the time, someone is going to catch feelings (even if they intended NOT to) and these encounters will just go on for far too long, often ending badly. Not to mention that if you are drinking, you may not have the best judgment at the moment, so do yourself a favor and leave the parties off the menu for dating scenes. Rather be more open to people that are in situations to better themselves, such as schools and parks. However, be mindful that you can run into some bad situations at these or any place as well. The chances are just less likely.
#3 You are searching Period.
Okay! You weren’t expecting that one was you! Believe it or not, A LOT of the BEST relationships happen unexpectedly. Have you ever heard someone say, I was just about to give up on love and then xyz walked into my life and swept me off my feet? This is because the best way to attract the person you are truly meant to be with is to first become the person YOU are meant to be, and this starts with loving and respecting yourself first. Many people are looking for a person to fill a void that they have within themselves or for some type of gain (such as financial or sexual) instead of a real connection. I will arguably tell you that regardless of how much you may or may not have it all together, you MUST truly love and respect YOURSELF before embarking on any search to find love outside of yourself. I challenge you to STOP SEARCHING for a spouse or companion and shift your focus to just becoming your best self. Follow your dreams and ambitions. Move out of the small city you’ve lived in all your life or just visit new places! Go to bookstores to read self-help books or find joy in nature like biking or hiking. Enroll in a school to follow a passion, whatever your heart desires. The important thing to remember is that anything that is meant to be WILL, and you do not have to consume yourself in searching for anything outside of yourself. If you focus on loving yourself, following your passions, and building beautiful and genuine friendships, then you will more than likely receive everything you’ve ever wanted in life, and if that includes a romantic relationship, then you bet it will happen, exactly when it is supposed to.
#4 You’re putting out way, way too early.
Even though this does not always apply, it is important to consider that giving up the goodies before you have both established a solid connection and friendship is almost always sure to end in disaster. We live in a time where many people will disagree that waiting for marriage to do the do is outdated, unrealistic, and just plain silly, but I will have to disagree. Even if it doesn’t go all the way till marriage, it is a very good idea to hold off as long as possible. There are so many positive benefits of waiting to get intimate, and weeding out those that are only interested in one thing is definitely one of them. I am a HUGE advocate for abstinence and celibacy and will continue to encourage people, especially women to preserve their power, and YES, I said power, but you have to use the power and not let it use you. This is better explained in a book called “Women have all the power…Too Bad They Don’t Know It: Secrets Every Man’s Daughter Should know.” Although I was fortunate to already have these ideals ingrained in me from a very young age by my parents, I read this book as a teenager and HIGHLY recommend it. It is a great book to learn why it is so important to be more preserved with your mind, body, and spirit.
#5 You are impatient.
Now, this one kind of piggy backs off reason number three. This is because when you are truly focused on being a better you and practicing self-love and care, you will naturally become more patient. You will start looking for love within instead of someone to fill that void. You will also become more independent financially so that you will no longer feel desperate to find help in a bad situation. When you are focused on what you don’t have and constantly comparing yourself to other people and their seemingly happy relationships, you will begin to lose sight of all the good people and things in your life right now. I suggest focusing on the present and having faith that what is meant to be will, and that you don’t have to rush anything!
What are your thoughts and opinions? Do you agree or disagree? What are some reasons you believe some people can’t find love? What are your experiences? Have you read the book I recommended? If so, what did you think of it? Let me know in the comments.
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